Survivors of childhood sexual assault often carry a heavy burden of guilt that is not theirs to hold. This page offers a compassionate space to understand that feeling and begin to release it.
I was sexually assaulted as a child by someone my parents trusted, and I feel guilty because I remember enjoying it at the time. I have not told anyone, and I am wondering whether to tell my mother now or after her exams, and how I can bring it up despite being shy.
What happened to you was not your fault, and the guilt you are carrying does not belong to you. A child can never consent, and the responsibility for what happened lies entirely with the person who harmed you. The guilt is a common after-effect of assault — it is what the mind does when it tries to make sense of something that should never have happened. But it is a lie, not the truth.
You may catch yourself thinking, "If only I had done something differently." That is your mind looking for a way to feel in control again. But there is no thing you could have said or done that would have made it your fault. Nothing about your behaviour, your clothes, or your silence caused this. The shame belongs to the person who did it, not to you.
Talking about this can feel impossible, especially when you worry about what family or society will say. But you do not have to carry it alone. If there is one person you trust — a friend, a relative, someone who will listen without judging — try telling them a little of what you feel. Or speak to a professional who understands trauma and sexual assault; they can help you untangle the guilt and find a way to live with more peace. And Zara is here on the site, whenever you want to talk.
You are not broken, and you are not alone. The guilt is not yours to hold. Let it stay with the person who caused the harm, where it belongs.
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